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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

Connect the Dots

I can’t pray because my thoughts are a nightmare of connect the dots.

The only prayerful sentence I can form from the game of twister in my brain is: “I don’t know. I don’t know. Please, show me.”

I tell them this over 3PM Sunday leftovers.

But they tell me it’s about having the proper heart before God.

“Sometimes, all I can do is think,” she says in her quiet way, “so I think before God.”

So, the rest of the week, I think before God.

It’s like getting a second opinion. The opinion that matters.

I let a thought dance its way inside my head. “I don’t know where that came from, Lord.”

I pick at another one like its old casserole. “I’m not sure what to do with this one, Jesus.”

I look to Him in my thought process. He is the light that illuminates the entire assembly line. He illuminates all my pending decisions.

He connects the dots.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” Psalm 139:23-24

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