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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....
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On trial.

Sometimes I think about what I would say if Christians were on trial in North America.

I think about it as I watch her impact statement on Youtube, how she speaks confidently about the impact of abuse and – out of nowhere – the impact of grace.

I think about what I’d say if Christians were put on trial.

I hope, above all, that I would be honest.

I hope I wouldn’t say we never do unspeakable things.

We are David, the adulterer. Gideon, the doubter. Peter, the denier. 

We’re weak. We struggle to see past skin. We struggle to love. 

We get stuck nit-picking theology. We get stuck in political ideologies. We neglect to listen.

We wander back to the wilderness and whine about the manna. 

We sin and sin and sin.

But in the midst of all, we hope.

Hope to be like Jesus, asking questions, speaking slow. Speaking sure. And still, still speaking truth.

We’re not Christians because we’re good.

But because we’re redeemed.

Because Christ. 

The Higher Standard.

I hope I’d say this too.

Like the girl said C.S. Lewis said: “A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line.”

And that’s the beauty of being a Christian. That even my uneven lines point upward.

And forward to glory.

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