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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....
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Doing it His way.

I read through Judges and I’m comforted by the humanity I find there. They seek after God. They give into sin. They’re enslaved. God rescues them. God rescues them. God rescues them.

We sit in her living room on a Wednesday night. “If only I knew what God wanted me to do, I’d do it,” she says.

It reminds me of a night in August after I turned out the lights. Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it.

But what if He wants us to do exactly what we’re doing now? He just wants us to do it His way.

I get really honest with her as I drive home from Christmas Break. I tell her how scared I am to ask the Spirit to use me.

Because I’m scared that He will. That He’ll prompt me to speak like a Christian at work. Maybe to share the gospel with a co-worker.

Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it. (Only if it means going somewhere else. Doing something else with someone else.)

I’m waiting for the perfect mission. The perfect place to be sacrificial. The perfect time to be selfless.

I’m scared to ask the Spirit to use me.

But I’m terrified not to.

A new year begins. The perfect year to repent, to be rescued again.

To go.

And to prepare to stay.

In all things, to pray.

And the disciples were continually filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit. Acts 13:52

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