Skip to main content

Featured

How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

Grace is born.


2018 is just days old when I run my index finger across his soft chubby cheeks. He has that distinct smell of a newborn. Is it baby powder? Vaseline? Innocence?

He gazes up at me with brown eyes that know nothing of the tragedies crossing the TV screen. About that baby just weeks younger than him, lying naked on some sidewalk in Ontario.

My mind wanders through alleys of my own, the heartache of last year. And those days in the middle of May where sleep was my favourite destination. Or my favourite place to escape?  

I think of the way he slipped into this world, into my heart. Into the middle of a mess.

How birthdays are not just dates. They’re markers of the moment when peace is born, moments that interrupt the storm and cause the waves to cease.

I gaze back down into his tear-drop eyes.

And catch my breath a little on the airplane home, remembering how Grace stared back.

For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” John 1:16

Comments

Popular Posts