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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

I will not Drown

“Do your front float, buddy.” We stand in the shallow end of the pool, the water sparkling in the early morning sun. I hold my arms out to him.

He looks at me, eyes wide, and throws up his hands, “I drown!”

He voices my recent thoughts.

“I’ll make sure you won’t drown.”

He searches my face. Then, he spread his arms and legs in a perfect star, leans forward and let’s his body rest in the water. He floats, his shadow bobbing underneath him.

I do it too. I search His face and lean forward and let myself go. I know Him well and I know I will not drown. 


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