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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

Separate Focus

The evening has that muffled feeling. The air is calm, separate from the university students rushing to their next midterm. Noises are distant; I think if I screamed, no one would hear me. The autumn leaves dance silently. There's a wavering, a deciding, between dusk and night. I want to be part of the peace. I want to be separate from my anxious colleagues. Should the dark run deep under my eyes like there's? I have a reason to not stake my success on one grade. I know that there is more than this, something else, something separate. As the breeze nips my cheeks and ears, I imagine the lips of the creatures crying "Holy" around the throne.

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