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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....
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Planting Season

“It looks like Ireland,” he says. The green wheat fields stretch from side road to side road. Every spring, it’s like this.

Everything seems to grow on its own when you don’t see the science behind it, the calculations, and the careful planning.  

On Wednesday, a thought sprouts in my mind. How did that get there? Three years ago, not even my imagination could have conjured something so sinful.

I get comfortable because I’m the only human who knows that my soul actually looks more like a nuclear waste site than a newly sprouted field in Europe.

On Thursday, Dad calls the seed company to make sure we have the right soybeans to plant.
I wonder what seeds I’ve been planting in my soul.

I text her for accountability, and open my Bible on Friday because I need to start planting the right seeds again.

“For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life” (Galatians 6:8).


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