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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

Letting God Make the Decisions

She says “hi” on Facebook and I’m staring at layers of music theory and the dead skin of the eraser I’ve already used that evening. I actually pause: “Do I have time for this conversation tonight, Lord?” I feel certain that I don’t, so I log off. Five minutes later, my roommate knocks on my door and asks me to pray with her; the matter is urgent. I have time for this.
            
“The Lord determines our steps.”
            
I e-mail them to confirm when the event will take place on Tuesday night. My hands shake as I type. I’ll have to stand in front of a lot of people and hear my voice projected to double its’ volume in the microphone. They have asked me to do this and I’ve learned to say ‘yes’ to hard things. Then, they e-mail me again to say they have rescheduled the event; I know I can’t do it that night. I’m a mixture of relief and disappointment.
            
“The Lord determines our steps.”
            
They want three hours of my time. I’m about to reply ‘yes’ because that’s my default. I pause: “Is this something you want me to do this week, Lord? Please, show me.” A few minutes later, another lady texts me and says she wants to take me for coffee during the same three hours. I know that is the more valuable choice; God has given me a reason to say that I am busy.
            
“The Lord determines our steps.”
     
We make life a crisis filled with decisions that we don’t really have to make ourselves. We close our fist on the schedule we think we should have and end up grabbing hold of stress and busyness instead. If we would just relinquish our plans, we could see the way He works in our lives and “determines our steps”.


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