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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....
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Don't Worry Where You Put Your Tears

We’re walking down the sidewalk, debris from winter scattered across our path. We’re stringing the week out in words, trying to make sense of all the pieces and fragments that don’t fit.
            
“I’ve realized that sometimes you just have to realize that no one cares,” she says.
            
We’re a depressing pair under the grey sky.
            
“God really has to be our comfort,” I say, realizing that I should apply that directly to my somber mood.
            
Ten hours before, crying in the dark turned to crying out to God because, for once, I got it right. The church is built with people. That’s why when fears give way to tears, we have to learn to run to the omnipresent One. Emmanuel. God is with us. We simply can’t hold it against humans for failing to comfort our sorrows, if we have not first sought the ever-available Helper.
            
Even in the hospital room. Even in the middle of the night.

Psalm 56:8 “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.


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