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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....
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When your Black and White World turns Grey

Seven of them sat in our living room on Saturday night, discussing the dilemmas of high school. I blew on my steaming tea, dimpling its’ smooth liquid surface and sending ripples bouncing to the edges of the mug. They talked teachers, bullies, and the broken and agreed on solutions of respect, love, and gratitude.
            
I envied them and their black and white world. When did mine morph into grey? The professors, the textbooks, the articles—they tell me every day that life is one big question. I cannot see distinct lines anymore and I cringe at truth that is not politically correct. I have been immersed all week in Freud, Winnicot, and Woolf, with a pinch of Scripture. On Saturday night, the girls blew the dust away, exposing my cluttered mind. 

It was just the night before, I had blurted out all this heaviness to my roommate, voice shaking with feeling: “I wonder if people our age turn agnostic because they question everything.”

It’s good to question. But they tell us to question and never confidently say what we think if it offends or challenges what anyone else thinks. Everyone’s thesis is valid, they say. I’d rather question in order to find truth. To find Him. To know Him.

We are at school wanting to know more, but we miss what is worth knowing.
            
There is absolute Truth because there is a God.

            
“Yea, let God be true, but every man a liar” (Romans 3:4).


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