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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

When you Forget to Pray when you Pray

Two years ago and I’m outside the dormitories. The lake glistens in the moonlight. The Rocky Mountains are faint outlines in the distance. I pray for the restoration of their marriage like I have a hundred times before. The wind starts to seep through the pores in my coat. The glassy lake is shattered by raindrops. My words are routine by now. I can do prayer without thinking.

That’s when I realize my error and the rain is mixed with tears. Do I just tell Him? God, I really don’t know how to pray for this anymore. That’s when His words come, flooding my soul like the rain on the lake.

            
Maybe before, I wasn’t really talking to Him. I was talking out my thoughts to myself, for myself. I was checking off a list. It’s hard to see answered prayer when we don’t really pray.


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