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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

Every unremarkable day.


“Good job at saying no.” She sends the text with a winky face.

She’s onto me. I’ve started saying no to things. Because not every good thing is something good for me to do. And sometimes saying yes is like subtracting 10% of my energy from something else.

I go on the church website and scroll through role after role accepting serving applications. I sign up for one.

Half the time I don’t worry that I’m doing something I shouldn’t. I worry that I’m not doing something I should.

Always in the back of my head: What am I doing with this one beautiful life?

She talks about turning 40 and how “there must, there must be more than this”. I’m a Christian. I know there is.

But sometimes I live like I don’t.

I hear her pause on the other end of the line. “Our human actions are just so much more limited than simply asking God to do it instead.”

I wander down the sidewalk in the early morning light. Like Moses, I remove my sandals in the presence of Holiness.

I don’t bother wondering if five minutes is enough. I just pray fervently.

I go home, take a shower and start my unremarkable day.

What am I going to do with this one beautiful life?

Perhaps the greater choice is not about the things I should do. It’s to start filling the things I do with prayer.

To fill the unremarkable days with purpose.





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