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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

The question of Who we are dealing with.


The sensation of the sand under my winter boots sends chills down my spine. I stare across the frozen lake until I can’t tell where the ice and sky collide.

My boots crunch on the crests of the frozen waves as I walk onto the ice.

I think back to Monday night sitting in a living room with mugs of lukewarm tea and Bibles open on our laps, reading Jeremiah 10:12.

”But God made the earth by his power; he founded the world by his wisdom and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.”

Just like that, creation explained.

I look across that snow-covered tundra. The sun blinks brilliantly through the clouds and winks out again.

The Bible study leader had posed a question: “Who is God? Do we know Who we are dealing with?”

The clouds break and light streams down onto the frozen surface of the water.

Who am I dealing with here?

If His understanding is wide enough to unwind the heavens…

…to break open the heavens.

On a frozen lake in Ontario, I put one mitt over my face to block the sun.

I’ve had twenty-some years to study the nature of God.

I’ve examined Him through the red lens of Justice and the blue lens of Mercy and the white lens of Holiness.

But to see through more than one lens at a time?

I think about my week, how my heart wondered if the God of the Bible is out of touch with this millennial. Perhaps He didn’t know how we would “progress”.

I turn away to face the shore. The sun is too much for me to bear.

Because I am out of touch with the Glorious Light.





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