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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

The very best part of adulthood

I remember the nights when orcs and robbers made up the mirage of my dreams. I would tip-toe into my parent’s room and climb in beside my mom. The comfort of her arm around me would drive the monsters away.

Like the light in the window when I’d come home from midnight dips at the beach with my teenage girlfriends.

Or the long discussions over a home-cooked meal when I’d drive home from university on a Friday night.

These days, I take the elevator down to the main floor of my office building and try to beat the rush out of the parking garage as I leave work. My head is spinning from the pressure of the day.

Adulthood.

I pick up the phone to call my parents and then put it back down.

Because calling home is no longer the Band-Aid to my ‘owie’.

But the best part of growing old is developing a new Turn-To.

A Turn-To who understands all the complexities of being a grown-up. The aloneness, the misunderstandings, the finances, the appointments and expectations.

The very best Turn-To.

The only option.

Because life is so complicated.

And when I’m alone, I whisper, “Father…”

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

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