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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

Backwards Life

She tells me this as we sit in the cafeteria on the university campus. “The more I show love to him, the more I love him.”

She tells me this, weeks ago. I remember it after I roll my eyes at the pile of dishes someone left in the sink. I remember it after I sleep through prayer time.

The less I show love, the less I love.

In Christ, everything is backwards.

Die to live.

Sacrifice for joy.

I remember how my big brother used to sit in front of our summer campfires. When the flames would die, he would add wood and gently blow the embers back into blaze.

This is the key: to show love to the hard-to-love and to show love to God more and more.

It starts a fire where there were only ashes. 

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