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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....
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Composing Music

He compares music to colours. We listen as he tells us the colours of Chopin. He uses his hands to talk, grabbing at thoughts like they're floating around in the air.

I sit on her bed and she tells me how she could never explain it before, the mystery of music. Yet, music is her life. She jots down notes, piecing it together over twenty years and for another eighty years to come.

Indescribable.

My professor can't explain why a six hour opera is bliss. It just is. He cannot explain it.

I cannot say why my eyes fill in a piano practice room on a Saturday afternoon and I have to stop playing because my shoulders are shaking uncontrollably. Or why she starts sobbing in the middle of the day when someone sits down at the keyboard and plays Mozart.

It is too big to describe.

Sometimes, I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and look at the sky, overwhelmed; I can't explain it. I just jot down notes in my mind, piecing together who God is. We can only describe Him with one word at a time: awesome, glorious, holy. What are words?





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