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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

Because I Love You

There are some who think an empty cathedral is where to bare the heart before God. I am thankful that God chooses to work in the dirty places. "She... laid him in a manger. (Luke 2:7)" As I was spraying the concrete slabs of my dad's pig barn, washing the manure and rust away, I realized I had forgotten. There was no stained glass in the barn, no sunlight blinking through the cracked and coloured panes, exposing dust particles. There was just a dead spider above my head; I grimaced and stepped out of its range. 

Somewhere in the midst of prayer meetings, street witnessing, church attending and Bible reading, I had forgotten the point. My first Love. I think of a man across the ocean who lies on the cold stones of a prison cell because he handed out a gospel tract. What's the secret in his heart that is holding the hope in his eyes? Why bother living out the Christian life? 

The barn is silent except for the water pipe leaking from the ceiling. I quietly whisper the line in my heart: Because I love you. Jesus, I want to do all this because I want to know you.


"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ" 
Philippians 3:8

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