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How to have a truly happy new year.

For the first time in years, I don’t remember my New Year’s resolution from January. Usually, I write it down in my journal or on a note I stick to my mirror. There’s been many of those dog-eared sticky notes from years past. The year of contentment. Speaking life. We passed pancakes across the breakfast table on January 1st this year. “What do you want from 2018?” I can’t remember my answer. I know what I didn’t want though. I didn’t want to walk into her office and share the parts of my life I’m inclined to hide. I didn’t want to Facetime her the day after she delivered her baby that never breathed. I didn’t want to spend four months wondering how I’d walk into her house on Christmas day and see her empty chair. I didn’t want to go on another first date that led nowhere. We sit across from each other in a little coffee shop in Colorado, picking at a charcuterie board. “When I think about all of the things I have left to go through,” her voice cracks....

Looking back Later...

We're down the stairs and out the doors like an upset bee-hive. The frigid air presses its fingers on our cheeks, leaving big round red spots. Now, we're a circle of girls, and it feels like school is out for summer. The clouds laugh and shake themselves merrily, white dandruff falling slowly. Its only Christmas break.

But, I find myself face-to-face with all of God's gifts. They smile and chat. I am still, with a smile of wonder. How did so much change, and I didn't know it until now? Oh, to trust Him when we don't see anything, and thank Him when we finally do.

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different." -C.S. Lewis


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